Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

What does it mean to fulfill the sexual stewardship in marriage?

Fulfilling our sexual stewardship is “perhaps the most important and powerful portion of our understanding about sexual intimacy. It is the dialogue about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife.” It is not allowing ignorance to control the outcome of sexual fulfillment in our marriage or allowing Satan to control the most physically intimate part of our marriage. Satan wants to keep us ignorant and therefore following his word/the world’s word for things, rather than educating ourselves on the topic. “There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.”

From the readings, what were the two most important ideas that stick out in your mind?

1. Goddard’s PP of “Natural Progression”. I thought to myself, “Really these are the natural things to do?” But then as I thought about it along with the scripture about the “natural man is an enemy to God”, I realized that these are things people would do if they had not “put off” the natural man.

• Behaviors that seem innocent (i.e., missionary work, doing good, helping in some capacity)
• An affection grows that claims part of one’s heart
• Extramarital flirting. Justification-“no harm intended”
• Relationship declared as “special”
• Opportunities created to see “special friend” (One worries what others will say/think)
• Excuses made, lies told to hide time and resources spent on other person
• Spouse is displaced. Emotional intimacy exchanged with “special friend”
• Faultfinding with spouse
• Fantasies about other person
• Physical affection– a squeeze, a kiss, a hug
• Sexual relations

2. I think that we need to always remember that all of the covenants and promises we make in the temple are focused or concern the eternal family. When we damage our marriage, we are damaging an eternal family. We hurt more than just 2 people.

“Think of the promises that are made to you in the beautiful and glorious ceremony that is used in the marriage covenant in the temple. When two Latter-day Saints are united together in marriage, promises are made to them concerning their offspring, that reach from eternity to eternity. They are promised that they shall have the power and the right to govern and control and administer salvation and exaltation and glory to their offspring worlds without end.”

 As a married person, what are some wise precautions you will take to safeguard your marriage from infidelity?

As I read the story “Being Faithful to My Spouse”, it reminded me of my first fulltime job after graduating from high school. At breaktime I found my way to the breakroom and sat down to relax, there were several other people already there, both male and female. Within minutes I found myself disgusted by the conversation and looked for a way out without making a scene. The conversation was about the employee’s spouses and they were being mocked and the most very intimate details of their sexual prowess was being discussed and made fun of. I was so surprised that it was not the men talking, it was the women. I got up and left and as an 18 year old I swore in that moment that I would never talk about my spouse in that manner or expose them to any kind of ridicule, even if they didn’t know. Last year I was invited to have lunch with some coworkers I had worked with back I the 80s. Some of those women attended. This time as they told about their lives, I was not surprised when they had ALL been divorced from those husband’s they had mocked in public.

All of our energy should be used in uplifting ways, always focused on the person we committed to in the temple for time and all eternity.

• In marriage, what will you do to help protect yourself and your spouse from the damaging influence of pornography?

I noticed that over the last 10-15 years, that many of the youngest youth involved with the courts, started to come in with charges that stemmed from pornography and even the youngest of those had cell phones and access to computers. Because of this our children shared a family cell phone that got checked out and they did not get a smart phone until they were seniors in high school and we had restrictions on that. Our family computer was located in the kitchen and all of our children shared the same email address and everyone including us as parents had the password.

My husband and I only worked on our laptops in the living room or when we both could go to the bedroom.

• What are the most important prophetic teachings on physical intimacy you want to remember?

“Marital status in and of itself does not exempt or automatically protect a man or a woman from temptations related to the law of chastity. Furthermore, there are also bounds for the appropriate expression of love between a husband and a wife. Dignity, purity, and mutual acceptability ought to characterize our most intimate relationships. The more we stray from the simple in our expression of affection, the closer we approach the perverted. Loyalty to your spouse, consideration, and, most importantly, the whisperings of the Holy Ghost will help you know what is right to recognize the path that will lead you away from temptation.”

-Elder David A. Bednar, “Moral Purity (Links to an external site.),” BYU-I Dev., Jan. 7, 2003.

“I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day saint women is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord.

The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel.’”

-President Gordon B. Hinckley, Cornerstones of a Happy Home (Links to an external site.), 6.