I come from a hotblooded Mexican family. The woman in our family traditionally are very bossy and demanding. When the movie Coco came out, we went to see it as a family. I kept hearing my kids say, “I’ve seen that look before.” As a newlywed I started to argue with my husband, who is a mild mannered and kind man. In the middle of one of my sentences, I heard the front door close. I looked out the window and couldn’t see him. “Did he leave me?”, I wondered. Pretty soon I saw him round the corner and come in the house. I asked him where he had been and he said, “I don’t ever want to say something to you I can’t take back.” In that moment I knew I had to change. I couldn’t keep the cultural norms I grew up with. Yelling was a part of my family history and make up. It was work, but we did it as a couple and we didn’t spank our children either, which is HUGE…NOT ONCE!

As I have watched other members of my family marry in and outside of our culture, but not change their ways, I have seen them struggle and I have seen them divorce. I think we sometimes make excuses for “cultural” ways, even when they are not Christlike. We giggle about them or sometimes wear them as a badge of honor. 

Although some of the changes I made, were difficult, they actually made communication in our marriage easier and have been well worth any effort I made to change and it has shown my husband that I think he is worth more than any behavior.

The following quote represents one of the most important pieces of advice anyone could incorporate into their marriage:

“Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.

“ ‘Ceaseless pinpricking,’ as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, can deflate almost any marriage. … Generally each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive”  (p. 19).

               - Elder Joe J. Christensen

                  Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide, Lesson 5

                  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Our Heavenly Father blesses us as we work toward changes that improve our journey as an Eternal Couple and Family.

What have you done recently to show your spouse you are willing to change/sacrifice for them?

I have improved my scheduling, so I can be more helpful to my spouse and family.